I know this is a bit random but I can’t be bothered to explain why I had any time to think about stuff like this recently.
I have discovered grief doesn't go away. When you lose a friend or someone you care about, at first you think grief will eat you alive, and then it becomes bearable, and then you don't think about it every single day. But then, a memory comes back or you bump into a mutual friend or you see a silly picture on facebook and grief comes back and slaps you in the face like a bastard. Because after all, something was taken away from you, a part of your future, your soul, your life, just like for everyone else around that person I suppose. These holes there in your soul, nothing will cover them up.
Also life the past couple of weeks reminded me that everything is relative. When you find out that a friend that you met when you were a young and carefree 20 year old is losing the battle against bone cancer, aged 33, the rest of the shit you had to deal with that week seems relatively ridiculous and minor, comparatively. (and once again taking the opportunity to have you CLICK HERE and donate some money, thank you).
So what if it took an hour to get food or your student wasn’t that great? Small stuff is only small stuff, no need to get an ulcer over stupid meaningless shit. It keeps us busy, sure, yet it’s pointless.
I have come to terms a long time ago with the fact that life is unfair, but there are days when it is a bit more unfair than it should be, really.
On a happier note, August was good. We were freaking super busy which is exhausting but good, I had a blast training a gem of a Divemaster, there was a good crew of people around, good nights and fun times. The diving has been ridiculously good too, I sometimes wonder how after diving the same dive sites over and over again for over 2 years now I still get amazed by my beautiful manta friends, I still find new nudibranchs, I get excited about finding a super cute pink leafy and about seeing molas (yes, finally the first molas of 2015 happened!) or I still hope for the whale shark. I am a dive junkie, what else can I say?
Not had a chance to go paddle or surf since work was so busy, I am looking forward for a bit of a slow down…in December maybe?? Even the running had to slow down because frankly after a 12 hours day most of the time I just don’t have the energy anymore.
Last week, there was also a weird collision of emotions in my days. Some happy shiny people left the island (and I know by now people leave all the time, that’s what happens, but sometimes it is just harder than others), and at the same time there has been a couple of days where I felt like I was the cry office for people around me. I know sometimes everyone has to vent out and moan about things, but really in light of stuff above I feel like it doesn’t always need to be me or really do we need 2 hours of moaning to go over something that deserves about 2 minutes of moaning? Also, I have been around happy people lately, and that is GOOD. Being a happy bunny is not as easy as it seems, it’s not being careless about everything and acts like nothing matters, it is deciding to make the most out of everything or to try not to be bugged about stupid shit. Once again, small stuff is only small stuff.
(je vous prie de noter l'intégrale couleur moutarde de Michael Stipe dans ce clip, c'est pas magnifique ça ?!?)
My friend Jo and I were having drinks over the ocean the other night, looking at a beautiful sunset, surrounded by nice people, drinking nice cocktails. We reminded ourselves out loud that, really, this is as good as it gets. I am happy to be where I chose to be, and I make a conscious effort to remember that every day.
Amour et Joie, encore.